Stop “Shoulding” on Yourself
Have you ever heard the phrase “shoulding on yourself?” Essentially, it means when you tell yourself “I should have done X” or “I should not have done X,” or even “I should go do X now.” When we should on ourselves in this manner, we usually are not getting anything done; we are simply guilting ourselves for not doing something we feel we need to do dutifully and/or guilting ourselves for doing something we want to do more.
An easy example, is if you find yourself wanting to sit down and watch TV after a long day of work so you sit and feel good for a moment, until the guilt sets in. The thoughts of “I shouldn’t sit and watch TV. It’s not productive. I should go to the gym. I should go wash laundry or I should mop the floor.” Thoughts of that nature start to pop up. The likelihood of you actually getting up to do any of those things is probably pretty low, because you actually do not want to do them and you do not have the energy for those tasks.
What happens then, instead of taking and enjoying the break time that you could be giving yourself, you add the unsavory flavor of guilt to the activity and the activities you believe you “should” be doing instead. So the next time you have the energy to wash the laundry, the task is saddled with extra burdens because you have attached layers of guilt and shame to it. The next time you want to watch TV, you have associated feelings of guilt and shame. Your brain will start pairing these activities with these negative emotions, making them only more challenging later.
If you start realizing that the things that you are telling yourself you should do, are actually things that you could do, the pressure of them changes. If you state “I could wash the laundry or I could watch TV” it will be much more empowering for you than if you said “I should wash the laundry but I want to watch TV.” Realistically, most things do not need to be done immediately. Unless you need your laundry done because you need to wear a specific item in a limited time frame, you do not need to do your laundry right this moment. Chances are, the world will not end and your life will not be ruined because you put the laundry off a day. If you wait until after you have rested and recharged, there is a greater chance you will feel energized and motivated to the chores and tedious tasks because you gave yourself that break. For more on this concept, check out my previous posts “The Productivity Myth” and “Think Like the Lion.”
Stop blaming and shaming yourself when you need rests. The chores and tasks will get done when your mind and body are ready to do them, no shame required. Empower yourself and remember that you can do whatever you want, as long as it does not hurt anyone. You are not saying you will never complete your responsibilities again; it is being realistic and being kind to your body. Meet yourself where your needs are and stop shoulding and start coulding.
If you need more support with being kind to yourself and improving self-esteem, check out our Confidence Boost Camp.