Tis the Season for Setting Boundaries
Hello!
It is the holiday season as I write this and there are so many feelings that might abound this time of year. There is often the expectation that you should be “Merry and Bright” but that is not always the case. Whether you have trauma and grief that are triggered around the holidays or you are simply feeling the chaos of keeping up with invitations, financial stress, or wrapping things up at work, you might feel drained and dragged down. It is essential to set healthy boundaries at this time, just as every other time of the year. This can look like many things. It might mean declining a holiday party invitation (you do not need to hit every single holiday event). It might mean being confronted with questions, comments, or conversations you would rather not have with certain people or at all. For example, the classic “What are you up to” might seem innocuous to the asker, but can be very triggering for someone who is in between work, is not happy in what they are doing, may feel judged by the asker if they answer honestly, or simply wants to spend their holiday talking about anything but work. Here are some examples of things you can say to some of the holiday season’s most common challenging questions:
Q: What are you doing for work?
A: Thank you for your interest, but if you do not mind, I do not want to talk about work right now. I am making my holiday a “work free zone.” I am happy to talk about some of the hobbies I am interested in lately and hearing about yours.
Q: Will you be attending the party?
A: Unfortunately, I am unable to attend the party. I send my love and hopefully we can get together in the new year sometime to celebrate.
Q: Why aren’t you drinking?
A: I do not need a drink to enjoy the holiday and am having a good time without it.
Q: Why won't you spend time with the family?
A: I do not feel comfortable with everyone who is attending the party and will feel more comfortable spending my holiday doing other things. I hope everyone has a good time.
Q: “Is that all you are going to eat?” or “Are you getting more food?”
A: Please do not comment on how much or how little I am eating.
For almost any question you can always respond with: “I do not feel like talking about that. Do you mind if we change the subject.”
For work, unless you are in the business of life-saving and emergency service, let coworkers and clients know what your holiday hours are. Set your holiday time, your away messages, and keep your work messages silent and untouched until you are ready to return to work.
Overall, remember that you deserve to set healthy boundaries this holiday season and all year round. Love and respect yourself and set boundaries that assert that respect for you and those around you.
For more practice on boundary setting, check out my free e-course.
Happy Holidays,
Brittany